Like this post

Ohfuck. Someone needs to stop me before I make my personal blog into a part-time RP blog for my TESona, who’s also my Sheogorath character…

tallestsilver:

swampwulf:

theuppitynegras:



Truth

SCREAMING. YES YES YES YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tallestsilver:

swampwulf:

theuppitynegras:

Truth

SCREAMING. YES YES YES YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(via no-hugs-peach)

hallloween:

I can’t decide if
someone stabbed someone else over a cheeseburger
someone stabbed someone else with a cheeseburger
someone stabbed a cheeseburger
a cheeseburger stabbed someone
a cheeseburger stabbed another cheeseburger

hallloween:

I can’t decide if

  • someone stabbed someone else over a cheeseburger
  • someone stabbed someone else with a cheeseburger
  • someone stabbed a cheeseburger
  • a cheeseburger stabbed someone
  • a cheeseburger stabbed another cheeseburger

(Source: higregjohnson, via amerillo342)

Like this post

Ask No Stupid Questions, Hear No Ridiculous Lies

(Our history class starts at 7:30am. I am not even close to being a morning person, and always come in with a giant cup of coffee. I also always do my assignments, and often stay late to ask questions about the assignments. The student who sits next me is always overwhelmingly energetic and obnoxiously nosey. One morning, I get fed up.)

Student: “How do you get all of your work done all the time? Do you ever have any fun?”

Me: “No. I have a debilitating illness that gets worse if I am not continually learning.”

Student: “Oh my god! Really?”

Me: “Yes.”

Student: “Even when you’re asleep!?”

Me: “I don’t sleep.”

Student: “So THAT’S why you drink so much coffee!”

Me: “Oh that? Nah, I just like how it makes my pee smell funny.”

(He stopped bothering me after that.)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysLearning.com!:

(Source: notalwayslearning.com)

Like this post

Twilight Needs A Dawnguard

(My brother and I play the videogame ‘Skyrim’ together. We are facing the vampire lord for the first time, when he reveals his monster form. To transform, he seems to explode.)

Brother: “Did you see that?! That was scary! He just went… he just exploded!”

(My brother looks really freaked out, which surprises me because he is a monster-movie fan.)

Me: “Are you serious?”

Brother: “Eh, I mean, kind of! You have to admit, that was kind of scary. He was just …pop! And then… ughhhh!”

Me: “Okay, I guess so…”

Brother: “Well, at least he didn’t sparkle…”

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRelated.com!:

(Source: notalwaysrelated.com)

Like this post

This Story Will Stick With You

(A dad and his young daughter come into my work. The dad is a total biker guy, tattoos and all, while his daughter is the cutest little thing with a tutu and a tiara. While I’m talking to the dad, his daughter keeps interrupting, so I make her a deal…)

Me: “If I can talk to your dad for a couple minutes, I promise I’ll give you this tattoo, and you’ll look just like your dad!”

(The daughter agrees and I put a fake tattoo sticker on her arm. She runs up to her dad and shows her tattoo to him very proudly.)

Daughter: “Look daddy! I’m just like you now!”

(The dad and daughter leave for a little while, but they both come back an hour later.)

Father: “I just wanted to thank you for giving her that tattoo.”

Me: “Oh, it was really no problem! We keep them on hand to distract children and keep them entertained while we speak with their parents.”

Father: “No, I really really wanted to thank you. Her mother died last week, and she’s stayed home missing school for a week. She doesn’t understand, but she knows enough to know her mom isn’t coming home. I had to fully explain to her the other day why. This was the first time I’ve seen her smile in days.”

(He hugged me and left; I never saw him again. Wherever you are, sir, I hope everything got a little easier for you!)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysWorking!:

(Source: notalwaysworking.com)

rainbowbandaid:

ninjaadmin:

sexuelle-frustration:

ask-shy-ler-leia-and-lian:







Why you shouldn’t microwave a cell phone

it’s like the rebirth of Voldemort

HOLY SHIT

REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE AT ONE POINT IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS A MOUTH OPENING AND CLOSING

WHAT THE EGFUTCKT

IT’S LIKE OPENING UP THE GATES OF HELL

i told you there was a monster in my phone….

brb microwaving my cell phone.

This shit is just to fucking wicked not to reblog….I think I am gonna start using the landline again

damn

rainbowbandaid:

ninjaadmin:

sexuelle-frustration:

ask-shy-ler-leia-and-lian:

Why you shouldn’t microwave a cell phone

it’s like the rebirth of Voldemort

HOLY SHIT

REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE AT ONE POINT IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS A MOUTH OPENING AND CLOSING

WHAT THE EGFUTCKT

IT’S LIKE OPENING UP THE GATES OF HELL

i told you there was a monster in my phone….

brb microwaving my cell phone.

This shit is just to fucking wicked not to reblog….I think I am gonna start using the landline again

damn

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via rainbowseal)

(Source: captainbongiovi, via tinyarchpotato)

totallynotthechesapeakeripper:

lana-del-winchester:

the-angels-have-fallen-i-repeat:

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

rebloggable, as requested :) 

i cringed as i read this because REAL TALK

REBLOGGING.

THANK YOU.

(via tinyarchpotato)

Like this post

History Is Never Old News

(I am working in the print department of an office-supply store. An older customer comes in with a folder of very old newspaper articles.)

Customer: “Hello, young lady. I was just wondering if you could make some copies of these articles for me. They are getting old and I would like to preserve them.”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Thank you very much. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go look around while you do this.”

(I agree, and he hands me the articles. I can see that it is an article about a man who was killed during World War Two. In one of the articles, it shows a picture of the deceased man holding a baby. As the customer has requested, I make copies of the articles that are beginning to fray, rip, and yellow. After making the copies, I quickly laminate them in order to keep them really preserved. The customer comes back.)

Me: “So you know, sir, I noticed that the articles you had were starting to rip, and I assumed that was why you were making the copies. When I finished the copies, I laminated them for you.”

Customer: “I appreciate that young lady, but I can’t afford the lamination.”

Me: “I like history, and I think historical documents are very important to keep. The lamination is free of charge!”

(The customer begins to cry.)

Me: “Sir, are you alright?”

Customer: “Yes, yes. Do you see this baby in this picture? This was me when I was just a few days old. This was the only time my father ever held me before he died. This is all I have to remember him by, and you just helped me to keep them preserved so I can keep his memory alive. Miss, please… can I give you a hug?”

Me: “Of course!”

(He gives me the warmest hug I have ever experienced.)

Customer: “Thank you, miss. You have no idea how happy you just made an old man.”

(I am also crying, due to the joy I gave this customer by taking two seconds to laminate his articles. After pulling away from him, I notice that my manager is also beginning to cry.)

Manager: “Sir, these copies are on the store. Have a nice day, and come see us if you ever need anything else.”

(The customer leaves with a huge smile on his face, and my manager and I are both cheery for the rest of the day. When I arrive at work the next day, I find a small bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk with a note from the customer.)

Note From The Customer: “I picked these flowers for you from my garden. They aren’t much, but I was hoping I could brighten your day as much as you brightened mine.”

(I still have that note, along with one of the flowers that I kept and pressed in a scrap book. I will never forget that man, and the father he never knew.)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRight.com!:

(Source: notalwaysright.com)

Like this post

image

oh god what did i do

(via tinyarchpotato)

Like this post

ilenoriathecat:

Imagine it. You’re getting ready to go to sleep after a long day. You close your eyes, but in the corner, in a tiny white font 

You cannot rest when enemies are nearby

(Source: officialmorrigan, via erkenbrand)

wildwildwildling:

paysannerie:

magicbendingavenger:

a list of some of the things people are made to feel ashamed ofadapted from this list

 I think “not shaving your body hair” also belongs on the men list
at least for younger men I know this to be true 

Yea I agree with the dude above me. I’ve been told many times my body hair is disgusting, or that I need to shave because it makes me ugly. 

wildwildwildling:

paysannerie:

magicbendingavenger:

a list of some of the things people are made to feel ashamed of
adapted from this list

 I think “not shaving your body hair” also belongs on the men list

at least for younger men I know this to be true 

Yea I agree with the dude above me. I’ve been told many times my body hair is disgusting, or that I need to shave because it makes me ugly. 

(Source: wingedbrain, via erkenbrand)

skyrimconfessionss:

“I learned what the “arrow to the knee” thing actually means. It was old nordic slang for getting married. So every one of those guards I shot in the knee with an arrow and killed had wives, possibly children. I feel bad now…”
http://skyrimconfessions.com
- Image credit: [x]
(sidenote asked by a follower: this information is actually false and was made up by some guy on a forum)

skyrimconfessionss:

“I learned what the “arrow to the knee” thing actually means. It was old nordic slang for getting married. So every one of those guards I shot in the knee with an arrow and killed had wives, possibly children. I feel bad now…”

http://skyrimconfessions.com

- Image credit: [x]

(sidenote asked by a follower: this information is actually false and was made up by some guy on a forum)

(Source: skyrimconfessionss)

midesko:

I wonder if he ever sees these and laughs

(Source: keithziliu, via tinyarchpotato)